There is a revolving door in my love life. And, I am slightly hyper ventilating simply considering some of the things that I’ve allowed to occur.
Pay attention to me. Pay attention to me. Pay attention to me.
Is what my actions have been saying. Drawing in the wrong kind of attention.
Getting naked in front of a crowd helps.
Gives me time to consider…
I’d like to use this place to vent about those certain tragedies that I myself am responsible for.
To share how shitty I feel for breaking up with a long term lover than sleeping with him again.
How when I did that I realized that his dick was so big he couldn’t make me moan because there was nowhere inside of me for him to go.
How I freaked out when I saw a long black haired woman at a water fountain because I thought it was my ex boyfriend. One who was mentioned previous to this as taking his pleasures whilst I was sleeping.
More so, I want this space to mark my words and steps in personal development.
I’ve been blessed with porous boundaries. Which isn’t exactly a blessing. As I am learning.
Really, what I’m learning are the depths that must be plunged in order to achieve sincere levels of self respect. How to put myself first.
And, how to notice that what I’m apparently after is actually a finger pointing to a gaping hole from my wounded past.
So that I don’t continue to run back.
: ) ( :