In a year we all will be together. … & Our troubles will be Far Away… If the Fates Allow.
Last night saw me crying under florescent lighting. As my naked body stood still in front of a crowd of people.
The weepy folk music added to the mood. My perfectly timed 3 & a half weeks late menstruation was a piece of the puzzle.
Sharing space with a regrettable, drunken, self punishing one night stand certainly gave me a lot to work through. Larry! The guy I fucked after he was mean to me. I totally knew better.
Victim & Perpetrator.
Gave him the slip the next morning. Considered suicide while watching the sunrise.
Really my matter is how I continue to know exactly what to do. And continue to not do what’s right by me.
Larry being one example. My smoking habit that I picked up at 14 another.
Feeling my body as I stand still is a scary subject. My breathing. The way my shoulders hunch in. Florescent lighting doesn’t look good on any body.
Furthering the self loathing is my missing razor. My wild bush. Prickly legs & right in front is the one solid date I’ve had in who knows long.
Real conversation happened. Now my tampon string hangs on display for all to see. And, my legs are hairy. And my face is filled with acne.
Saturn says to self discipline. I cried on stage feeling to the pit of me the pains in all of ways for not having done so already.
Days away from thirty. God grant me the motivation to practice the things that make my breasts perky.
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